Daily Diatribes

This morning I was sitting here at my computer when, unbidden by me, the song “I’ve Never Been To Me” popped into my head, fully formed, begging to be sung. If only I lived in Japan, where surely there would be a karaoke bar open at 10:00 a.m. on a Sunday morning, then I would be able to share the song with the world!! If ever a song was created for karaoke, it was this one hit classic from Charlene. Charlene who was so fabulous she only need the one name and the one hit to be remembered forever!! Alas, I live in Alabama, not in the Land of the Rising Sun (is that right?) and there are no karaoke bars open for heathen women who are skipping church and to engage in the devil’s play of karaoke. Since it is the millennium, however, I did the next best thing to karaoke. I found it on YouTube.

I found a wonderful version of the original that I fondly remember playing on the radio for many, many weeks on American Top 40! Someone (probably someone from Japan based on the comments below the video in Oriental script) created a powerpoint display of wistful looking women, looking off into the distance to accompany the song as it played. And they kindly included the lyrics! Thank goodness!! Because when I was in 8th grade, which is when the song came out, I was convinced that she was a “RICH AND MENTAL” wife. That’s actually not too far off the mark. Ok, fine, so the real lyric is “regimented” but I think I can make a case for “RICH AND MENTAL”! And is the lyric REALLY “subtle whoring” because I thought the whoring was actually pretty overt! I mean, the chick gets it on with a preacher man AND a king! She gets around, know what I mean?? Please notice as you watch the stanza that contains “THE ISLE OF NIECE”….even back in the day I knew it was “NICE”, pronounced “NEECE” to rhyme with GREECE!! Definitely a non-English speaker, or at least someone who can’t spell!!

I have spent the morning dancing around the house in my pajamas, gloriously alone, belting out the lyrics at the top of my lungs. I cordially invite you to do the same!! I haven’t been to paradise or to me, but I do know how to have a good time!!