Jan 1
The Problem With Technology
Posted by Jennifer at 9:32 pm in Uncategorized

I received a Kindle for Christmas. It wasn’t something I had asked for, or even particularly wanted, but now that I own it, I can’t imagine my life without it. Renee asked me what the allure was and I answered, quite seriously, “instant gratification”. At any time I can choose a book, press a button and it is delivered to my machine in less than a minute. All the world of literature is suddenly at my fingertips.

Hmmm….yes….about that. Well, I’m a bit immature and don’t always display the best judgement. I was playing with it tonight, I was all alone in the house and I suddenly wondered “can you order DIRTY BOOKS on it?” Yes, I am a freak. Yes, I have never grown out of the adolescent obsession with NAUGHTY books. I didn’t really want to read one. I just wanted to see if it was possible to order one. So I scrolled down to the search bar and typed in ‘erotica’.


Naturally around 45,000 titles popped up on the screen. And naturally, I started scrolling through them to see what they were about. Lots and lots of NAUGHTY GIRLS WHO LIKE TO BE SPANKED (really??? I HATE being hit on the butt) and BAD GIRLS WHO ARE HOME ALONE LOOKING AT NAUGHTY BOOKS ON THEIR KINDLES and titles like that. Then it happened.


The Kindle has this toggle switch thing and you use it to arrow up and down. To select something, you push it in. It’s a bit sensitive and as I was scrolling, I accidentally pushed it in and ordered “THE ANTHOLOGY OF BIG BUSTED LESBIAN EROTICA”. To my horror, a little message popped up and said “thank you for your order, we are downloading “THE ANTHOLOGY OF BIG BUSTED LESBIAN EROTICA” to your machine immediately. Have a nice day!”


My eyes bugged out and I frantically toggled down to the cancel button. I made it just in time. “Are you SURE you want to delete “THE ANTHOLOGY OF BIG BUSTED LESBIAN EROTICA?” the machine queried, disappointment quite evident in its tone. If there was a “for God’s sake YES cancel it now immediately, PLEASE” button, I would have clicked on it. I settled for pushing “yes” however and the machine complied, albeit somewhat reluctantly. I believe it took a perverse, inanimate pleasure in my embarrassment. The entire experience was very humiliating. Nothing against big busted lesbians, but I don’t want them cavorting around my electronic device and doing the dirty with Jane Eyre or Scarlett O’Hara. I have some morals, you know.


Then I had to run in the other room, get on the computer and delete the incriminating e-mails Amazon sends when you order a book. Because heaven forbid that Stalin come home and find that I have ordered such a book. All I need is for him to think I am pursuing BIG BUSTED LESBIANS because the idea would certainly stimulate his imagination and not in a good or healthy way. I opened my email and found two messages from Amazon: “Thank you for ordering “THE ANTHOLOGY OF BIG BUSTED LESBIAN EROTICA”, your credit card will be charged immediately.” I deleted it. The next email read “Per your request, we have canceled your order for “THE ANTHOLOGY OF BIG BUSTED LESBIAN EROTICA” and your credit card will not be charged. If you change your mind, however, the big busted lesbians will be waiting.” Ok, I made up that last part. Still, the entire email conveyed a great disappointment that I had brushed off the big busted lesbians without even giving them a chance. Certainly not a very Christian attitude on my part.


So the evidence of my indiscretion has been erased and yet…is anything ever REALLY erased in cyberspace? My little error will probably result in me being placed on a thousand lists of people who enjoy reading about “BIG BUSTED LESBIANS”. Books about BIG BUSTED LESBIANS will shoot to the front of the line in my preferences on Amazon. Because of one slip of the toggle switch, I have been forever labeled as a lover of BIG BUSTED LESBIANS. Well, it could be worse; at least I didn’t click on DONKEYS AND THE WOMEN WHO LOVE THEM!!

The Problem With Technology has 14 Comments

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  1. Satan wrote:
    January 2nd, 2010 at 8:15 am

    I made you press the button about BIG BUSTED LESBIANS because secretly you wanted to read about BIG BUSTED LESBIANS. Admit it. Now DONKEYS AND THE WOMEN WHO LOVE THEM, I didn’t put that one in your sick mind. That’s just gross. And coming from me that says a lot. You have issues.

    Seriously, I laughed so hard at this one that Partner of Satan thought I was going to have a heart attack. Wait a minute, I’m Satan. I don’t have a heart. I crack myself up.

  2. Jennifer wrote:
    January 2nd, 2010 at 9:00 am

    I didn’t know Satan had a PARTNER!! Is she a big busted lesbian or just a higher ranking demon?

  3. Kathy wrote:
    January 2nd, 2010 at 10:17 am

    Just a higher ranking demon.

  4. Satan wrote:
    January 2nd, 2010 at 10:18 am

    But she is a very cute higher ranking demon.

  5. Kathy wrote:
    January 2nd, 2010 at 10:19 am

    BTW, now that you’re on one of those mailing lists, keep an eye out for these. They’re just looking for people like you who are worried about what might show up on the credit card bill. :)

  6. Fragrant Liar wrote:
    January 2nd, 2010 at 11:01 am

    Tell the truth, you didn’t REALLY cancel that book order, now did you. You just wanted to see if we still accepted you in spite of your order for THE ANTHOLOGY OF BIG BREASTED LESBIANS, right?

    It’s okay. I won’t tell a soul.

  7. Equoni wrote:
    January 2nd, 2010 at 3:19 pm

    I have been having the same sort of problem trying to learn my new touch screen phone—I have NO IDEA how many people I have accidentally dialed—usually late at night—I try to hit CANCEL 20 times—hopefully before the call connects—but have been wondering in mortification if any of these people’s phones show a call from me at 1am.

    Tip—log into Amazon and check your order history—you probably need to delete this from it. Also from the “recently viewed”. Any category of Amazon, check it and delete it—they save it EVERYWHERE and it will continue to pop up and haunt you. You have to go in and clear it out of EVERYTHING. If you can’t delete the order history, at least make sure you click it so that it will not use it for future recommendations.

  8. Dr Renee wrote:
    January 2nd, 2010 at 3:23 pm

    Oh, my God! I am laughing so hard it hurts! You are nuts and crazy and I love you!

  9. Gina (not my real name) wrote:
    January 2nd, 2010 at 8:50 pm

    Perfect end to a perfect week! Thanks!

  10. Jeanne ~ bermudabluez wrote:
    January 5th, 2010 at 3:17 pm

    OMG! You have me dying over here! You are freakin’ hilarious!!! It is ESPECIALLY funny to me because I actually received a Kindle for Christmas too!!! I can so relate to this….every word. Well…except for the book your ordered…BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

  11. Texasholly wrote:
    January 9th, 2010 at 8:40 pm

    O.M.G. I would have totally done that. I got a Kindle awhile back - I won it as a door prize. I was super excited until I realized that I do ALL my reading in the tub. Not compatible.

  12. Margaret wrote:
    January 10th, 2010 at 6:22 pm

    Ha! But here’s my question, and I realize this may be a tangent, but do lesbians like big boobs? I mean, I’m thinking that lesbian big busted erotica might be more for men than women. Great, now I need to find out if lesbians like big boobs.

    I have a Kindle too, isn’t it the greatest?

  13. Equoni wrote:
    January 10th, 2010 at 8:28 pm

    I think Margaret has an interesting point—I don’t claim to understand the lesbian viewpoint, but I’ve never heard of anyone but men or hungry newborns being interested in boobs.
    And it is probably good I don’t have a Kindle—I could get into way too much trouble if I could have any book I wanted instantly with just a click—not to mention the trouble I am still having with accidentally dialing people on my touch phone when trying to scroll—if the Kindle is like that, I’d be in BIG trouble!!!!!

  14. Pamela wrote:
    January 16th, 2010 at 3:01 pm

    do you suppose some of that was written by your friend at class - where you are “not black?”

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