Yesterday I was in the bathroom, admiring my properly hung toilet paper, and perusing the Reader’s Digest, which is the quintessential magazine for bathroom reading. The articles are always insightful, usually have a good moral and, most important of all, are the right size for a quick jaunt to the potty. You can start and finish an article in the same visit which is important to someone as busy as myself. My bathroom is filled with Reader’s Digest magazines. Feel free to stop by any time and check out my library; just don’t mess with the toilet paper.
But I digress. As I was reading, I happened upon a snippet from a book called “The Superior Wife Syndrome” by Carin Rubenstein. (They print snippets presumably so you will rush out and buy the Reader’s Digest condensed version of the book, which isn’t the whole book but contains lots more snippets.) My interest piqued, I scanned it and immediately knew I had to own this book. Consider the following: “especially after having children, a large number of husbands deliberately surrender family concerns and responsibilities and begin to expect their wives to take charge. And in many marriages, that assignment eventually includes nearly everything. It’s as if husbands…..can fiddle , while wives burn through most of the tasks of adult life.” I must have this book!! Because the author has described my life perfectly!!
I’m not saying Hugo is a bad guy. I love my husband. He earns a good living, makes more than enough money so I can stay home and surf Facebook all day and he never complains about his wrinkled laundry. He even chuckles a bit when I shamefacedly admit I haven’t folded laundry in days because I have been working on a particularly difficult problem with my Mafia. He knows I’m insane and loves me anyway. But despite being a highly successful business owner and dealing with complex problems every day, he can’t order a pizza. That’s my job because he doesn’t know where the phone book is, doesn’t know how to dial the phone, wouldn’t know what kind of pizza to order or even which pizza chain to call for that matter. Actually, except when he is on the job, he is really less competent than your average fetus. It’s not much of a stretch to say that all he does is go to work while I handle absolutely everything else. If I die tomorrow, the family is in deep doo-doo.
Here is a sample of an actual conversation we had yesterday, one which I am considering sending to Carin Rubenstein for inclusion in her sequel. We were discussing the possibility of taking the goddess to Disney World. Every January there is a huge veterinary conference in Orlando and it coincides with her birthday. It’s a win all the way around. He gets to write off the trip as an expense, he gets the CE’s he needs, he doesn’t actually have to go to Disney World because he has to go to classes and the goddess is happy. We were discussing the conference and he suddenly said “I can’t go that weekend because we have a scout trip to New Orleans planned.”
I got a little heated. “What do you MEAN you have a scout trip planned? That’s her birthday!”
“Well, I didn’t know it was her birthday,” he said defensively.
Reader, I saw bright, blood RED!!! Channeling my inner bitch, she who is only too happy to make an appearance to rip out some gizzards, I said bitingly “well DEAR ever since the day the goddess was BORN her birthday has been on the same day EVERY YEAR!!! It’s not like Easter, the day doesn’t change with the lunar cycle, it’s ALWAYS THE SAME!!! It’s the damndest thing but EVERY YEAR, on January 17th, her birthday rolls around!!!!! And it is ALWAYS on MLK weekend!!” Dang, I really can’t capture the sarcasm in black and white. It was some of the best sarcasm I’ve had in a long time. If I could bottle and sell it, I’d make a fortune.
“Well, you could go by yourself,” he offered timidly.
“Oh, that’s just GREAT,” I said. “The whole point was to go when you could go to the conference so we wouldn’t have to pay for it. I guess I’ll just find some other way to celebrate the day of her birth while you fool around in New Orleans.” Big jerk. I then proceeded not to speak to him for the rest of the morning. And gleefully repeated the story to several of my female friends who agree wholeheartedly that the man is a nitwit.
Or take last Saturday when the goddess was invited to two birthday parties which were scheduled back to back. I was supposed to be camping in Georgia with a scout group, but the plans changed at the last minute and the group decided to go downtown and visit an indoor rock climbing facility instead. Either way, Hugo was supposed to be the one taking her to the parties but he couldn’t seem to grasp the concept. Right up until the moment I left on Saturday morning, the man was convinced I was going to take the goddess to the birthday parties since I wasn’t going to Georgia. Every couple hours he would say “now you’re coming back to take her to the parties, right?”
“No Hugo,” I would answer patiently. “I need you to take her. One is at Sweet and Sassy, which is near the mall and the one is at Gina’s house. I think you can manage.”
“But I don’t KNOW where Sweet and Sassy is,” he would mewl piteously and I would patiently explain that it was in the shopping center behind the mall, the place with the LARGE PINK LIMO parked out front. Kind of hard to miss it. When I also informed him I hadn’t had time to buy gifts, he actually threw a tantrum. Asked me what he was supposed to do about that??? I said slowly, enunciating my words very clearly: “GO TO WAL-GREENS…..BUY A CARD…..OPEN THE CARD……PUT A TWENTY DOLLAR BILL IN THE CARD…..CLOSE THE CARD…..SEAL THE ENVELOPE…..DELIVER THE CARD TO THE PARTY WITH THE GODDESS.”
I was frustrated. Is this brain surgery??? Rocket Science??? The man has an advanced degree and about 16 times my earning power, but he can’t figure out how to get a freakin’ party gift?????? What is wrong with this man???
By now I was pissed off, so I grabbed MA and we left. We met up with our group, went to the climbing place and learned how to belay. I sat down to take a break (because belaying is HARD WORK!!!) and saw that I had three missed calls from home and two from Napoleon. Against my better judgement, I called home. After all, I reasoned, it could be a medical emergency. And it was. Hugo was in the throes of a nervous breakdown about driving the goddess to her party. “Now WHERE is this place again?” he barked at me. I explained its geographical location for the 237th time. “Well, I don’t know if she’ll make it or not,” he said.
I finally gave up. Threw in the towel. Waved the white flag. Told him I would call a friend and ask her to take the goddess to the party instead. “Well, what about the gift?” he asked. “Will she get that too?”
“Sure Hugo,” I said wearily and hung up the phone. While everyone else was clambering around on the rock walls having a good time I called my friend Elizabeth who agreed to come and get the goddess and buy the gift. Amazingly, even though Elizabeth had never been to Sweet and Sassy, she managed to find it and deliver both girls safely. She even got the present. While Hugo?? Well, who knows what he was doing. Laying in his crib, staring at his mobile and sucking on his toes???
God created two genders for a reason. He created man to lift heavy things, earn a paycheck and reproduce. Then God saw what He had done and created woman to handle everything else. Does anyone really blame Eve for eating that apple?? Hanging out in the garden with Adam all day probably drove her to it!
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August 13th, 2009 at 10:23 am
There’s one itsy, bitsy, tiny thing that keeps you from being the absolute best wife on the planet: you hang your toilet paper the wrong way.
August 13th, 2009 at 10:52 am
ohhhh LOL!! Snicker snicker giggle. Hahaha. I don’t think i stopped laughing Jen. That’s so sad and similar to most couples I know — but you just put it so gracefully!
oh the joys of marriage!
August 13th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
I am dying here.
While nodding my head in total fucking agreement.
If I didn’t do everything WITH THE EXCEPTION OF MOW THE LAWN, my house would fall down, my son wouldn’t have been vaccinated, and I’d likely be homeless and malnourised.
All because I am the only one who can take care of shit around here.
When I go back to work? Orientation for Buddha’s preschool is the same day and TIME as the one I have to hold for my incoming students at MY school. I’m sending Buddha with Husband Guy. Yeah. I told my boss today that if he calls me in the middle of orientation, I would undoubtedly have to ditch my new kids and figure out the fucking problem Husband Guy was having and would return.
When Buddha went through his surgery? All of the preop and diagnosis meetings/appointments with the immunologist? Yeah. While I was teaching, I would field between 4 and 7 calls for EACH appointment. I’d usually end up telling Husband Guy to put the damn nurse or doctor on the phone so I could give them the correct information.
This is how we roll.
August 13th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Twenty DOLLARS?! We never spent that much on a party gift when I was a kid!
August 13th, 2009 at 7:57 pm
OMG. OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG.
I am so so so SO lucky! While The Oracle doesn’t order take-out food, he isn’t quite so… inept. Thank God. In fact, he spends a good chunk of his day reining in my scatterbrained-ness, if that’s even a word.
August 14th, 2009 at 2:57 pm
I’m gasping here! How can they ALL be like this? I choose to believe that because I am so amazingly competent, Devoted Husband doesn’t have to think. DH doesn’t know any of our birthdays or our anniversary - fully admitted it last week. “Now when is E’s birthday?” Couldn’t even come up with the month! I feel like I am beating my head against the wall most days. How many times can I answer the same question with a smile on my face as if I’ve never heard it before? So far the limit seems to be 4 - then I crack.
August 16th, 2009 at 11:55 am
Now I understand…when I assigned my former boss his password to the new computer system, I tried to make it easy for him….I made it the days of his childrens birthdays. You know, the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd, so 123. Except of course they weren’t born on those days, that’s just the example. But he always had to THINK. I thought he just didn’t know how to use the computer. Then again, his wife once called me from the pediatricians office to ask me what YEAR her daughter was born…so I don’t know WHO was in charge!!!
Personally, If I had been in your place, I think I would have stopped by the party to pick up a balloon and used the string to strangle him when I got home!!!
And cancel the damn scout trip….you can’t get any better than combining those annoying CE points and a trip to Disney world for the goddess’s 9th birthday!!!
I got to go to Disney World when I was 8, and that was probably the perfect age to go! Old enough to remember it and have enough energy to go, but still young enough to find it magical.
August 16th, 2009 at 10:37 pm
It’s the same here. How men can function and succeed at work is beyond me, because they are completely inept in the simplest tasks at home or regarding the kids. If something happens to me, this family is in big trouble. Though it won’t last long, since DH won’t remember to feed or water the kids. Honestly, it’s one of the reason I blog, and why I tell my mother everything–so someone knows what the heck is going on around here if something happens to me! Actually, my oldest son, age 12, is very well organized and on top of things. He will beat the odds!
August 18th, 2009 at 9:48 am
I talked Eve into eating the apple. It made her do stuff like you wrote about here.
Unfortunately, Partner of Satan, expects me to do my share of taking kids to parties, remembering birthdays and buying presents. Would you talk to her for me?
August 18th, 2009 at 9:50 pm
Partner of Satan here. He knows better than to pull that passive-aggressive BS on me. And he knows his own kids’ birthdays. He may sigh and mumble under his breath sometimes when he has to take them places, but so do I. Actually, I don’t always keep it under my breath.
August 21st, 2009 at 3:06 pm
My husband just sent me a link to your blog: I love it!! I wish I had interviewed you for my book, in fact, and I hope I am not smug. At least, I try not to be smug: Unsmug is my goal in life.
Anyway, the book is officially out the first week in September, and I’ll be on the Today show to talk about it on September 14.
Thanks for the mention!
August 23rd, 2009 at 10:28 pm
I was reading and laughing with all the comments — when I noticed the “take out food” husband.
My husband is really very savvy — except he can’t order take out food either. We’ve had arguments right at the window because he screws it up… and blames us.
The last time we ever went to a drive up window I just wrote everything down that each of the girls wanted and what I wanted. He placed the orders and when we got home he asked “Where’s mine?”
I asked him what he ordered.
“I ordered everything on the paper.” he responded.
I just groaned. We didn’t even ask him what he wanted, because he was at the window and he could get whatever he wanted.
He never ordered himself anything.
August 28th, 2009 at 1:13 am
I really dont care if your planet is mars or venus, your gender should not dictate our ability to take the dish you just dirtied rinse it and put it in the dishwasher. I want to know if you are from Mars, then, what fairies arrive and mow your lawn, wash your clothes, cook your meals, and there must be special faires that come to meet your “manly” desires right???
John Gray did nothing but help excuse the unexcuseable, I do everything, absoultly everything. And if he does do something it is usually do worse than when the kids do it, or I have had to explicitly tell him what, when, where and how to do it, which has taken so much time I could have easily done it myself.
Marriage sux… for these reasons.
September 2nd, 2009 at 1:19 pm
I found your column after googling the “Superior Wife Syndrome” for the second time. (this must be done in secret lest my better half find out I’m sportin a ‘tude) for I too, eyed the afore-mentioned snippet in RD, actually in the same type of reading room you mentioned (only my TP is hung correctly). My second thought after I rushed out to read more about this neurosis is “why have I thought all along I was alone”. It never occurred to me that there are other women who surrendered themselves to a life sentence of equally mundane yet critically important minutia that absolutely without a doubt must get done, and will not get done unless I do it. I am not just talking TP and birthday parties either. We own two small companies, and three rental properties. I do all the paperwork, manage all bills, handle all incoming calls, make all outgoing calls, maintain communication and maintenance on all rentals, keep track of all homeowner, auto, health, life insurance, I manage our five accounts and pay all the household bills. I keep track of all the annual accounting and taxes, and schedule all birthdays and holiday events. I also plan weekly menus and holiday meals, write the shopping lists, clip all the coupons and prepare all meals. I conference will all teachers, and volunteer on nine different committees or organizations. Did I mention we have 3 children and I work three part time jobs? What is his home front responsibility? Mow the lawn and clean the pool. Yep, that’s it folks. Those are the only tasks he does without being asked, reminded, cajoled or belittled into doing. Fortunately, each has a built in handy reminder that it needs to be done without any vocalizing or eye contact from me. There is absolutely no stress on this man’s plate. Though he does good, knowing when to pour my wine that is (usually when he sees my “inner bitch start to channel”). Is it any wonder my doctor prescribed Zanax? I am afraid of the SWS sequel, because I have a feeling it will be focused on men who feel emasculated by, and therefore cheat on their SW’s.
September 9th, 2009 at 8:00 am
Hi! I was surfing and found your blog post… nice! I love your blog.
Cheers! Sandra. R.
September 14th, 2009 at 7:03 pm
As a male, I want to help fix things, so I’m offering my thoughts. If that’s not what you want, if you just want to have a good rant, then by all means, rant away, and skip the rest of this comment. If a male is an unwelcome guest here, please delete this comment. I don’t want to be a whipping boy for a bunch of lazy husbands.
I certainly know families like these, and I’m still shocked to see them out there. I don’t know how they manage. I have to take these stories at face value, so if you’re not exaggerating and your home is really like this and you want it to change, then do whatever you need to do to change it. How do you stick with it? I thought my generation (I’m in my late 30s) was raised to be more - I hate this word, but - liberated. Enlightened? Whatever. But there are some things in our family that I’ve noticed, and I hope my perspective is at least informative.
First, my own rant. My wife is probably the most competent person I know. I’m sure she would consider herself a superior wife. She has no patience for my doing things other than her way. She either micromanages or criticizes. In that situation a lot of men will shut down, and stop doing things. My wife knows the kids’ birthdays (as do I). She works, so do. I do the dishes, the lawn, the trash, the finances, and all the ordering of takeout food. I cook half the meals, do half the baths (all of my own, thank you very much), and put the kids to bed every night. She gets the kids up, manages laundry, birthday parties and presents, play dates, though I sometimes take the kids to parties. I stopped playdates because no other men do them and it was awkward being the only guy at them (birthing stories again, really?). I do half the school runs. Still, her main domestic disposition is annoyance that I don’t do more. She thinks I’m incompetent. She denies this, but any lapse in efficiency results in a roll of the eyes and a snide comment. She has even said she resents me for getting more kudos for being an involved father than she does for being an involved mother. It’s true, but really? Resentment from the one person from whom the kudos matter? I’m not going to stop taking care of my kids, and our marriage is maybe in a bit of a tough spot, but things are good. I guess my point by all this is, would you still feel this way about your husband even if he did a lot more around the house? Certainly not at first, but after a while. After you got used to it? Seriously, I’d like to know what your thoughts are on this. Okay, that’s my sob story…
From the male perspective, maybe ask your husband what kind of house he wants to live in (in a nice way), and set some expectations and tasks around how to get to that point in your lives. You doing everything is not sustainable. Men like to be visionaries, so engage him at that level instead of the “you can’t even get a birthday card” level. If he expects a spotless home, say yes, you’d like that too, but you don’t want to clean either. How about a maid service? That’s what we do. Money very well spent. Remind him that his job may stop at 6pm, but yours (if you don’t work) doesn’t. Also, ask him to do specific tasks instead of expecting him to guess what you want him to do. “Get the kids ready for bed” doesn’t mean anything to the male mind. If you’ve always taken care of the home/kids, he really does not know what to do or how to do it. Give specifics, like “can you give the kids a bath” or “can you do the dishes while I give the kids a bath.” If he’s asking truly silly questions (give him some room for silliness here), feel free to say “figure it out, dude!” If he says he’s too busy watching tv, laugh and call him a lazy f@ck and tell him to do the f-ing dishes. That’s what his buddies would do. A point of subtlety here: don’t shame him or ridicule him, make his laziness a joke. Women are good communicators, so use that strength to communicate with him in a way he understands. If all else fails, tell him you want to get the chores done so you have more time in bed (you’re welcome, guys)… If you’ve always been the one who does everything, that can’t change overnight. He will have to learn how to do each task. Yes, it takes a lot of repetition, but if you were suddenly told to do something he does on a daily basis it would take some time to figure out and do as well as someone who has done it for a long time.
I hope this is helpful to someone.
September 15th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
I’m in the same boat, but very discouraged that this is so common. I am responsible for everything including taking the garbage out, maintaining the cars, my son mows the grass but I do everything else with the yard, garage and house. I need to get my kids through highschool and then fix my life. If I every get married again, I want a wife.
September 18th, 2009 at 5:15 pm
I am sooooo happy to, not only find out about the Superior Wife Syndrome and the Dr. Carin book - I am thrilled to know that I am not the only person with this problem. I tried solving it the way “Wife of Satan” did, but it only escalated the confrontation. I think my STBE (Soon-to-be-ex) had Superior Wife Syndrome too. Everytime I did something, he was right there telling how much better he could do the same damn job. Stupid prick.
I really enjoyed reading your blog!!
September 18th, 2009 at 5:34 pm
Back again - in our house (and we were together for over 20 years) we used to joke about having “pink” jobs and jobs that fell into the “blue” category. Over time, it seems, that ALL the jobs turned pink!!
September 18th, 2009 at 6:07 pm
I am enjoying that I still get comments on this post! “Husband” my blog is very tongue in cheek. However, I think I am safe in saying that every bit of research ever done continues to indicate that although women have moved into the workforce and are, in many cases, now out-earning their husbands, women are still responsible for most of the tasks at home. But I can sympathize with your point about women being too critical about how certain tasks are carried out. Personally, for myself, I will not gripe about anything anyone wants to do to help me! As long as the toilet paper hangs the right way, I’m good!
Red, it’s ALL shades of pink!!
September 22nd, 2009 at 9:51 am
I was a superior wife and mother for 25 years and then my piece of shit ex-husband left me for a housewife who is puffed, powdered and ready for action at a moments notice as she does not work and has all day to do what I had to do between 6 and 11 at night. He never complained that I did it all and earned 1/2 the money and did everything that a SW does because IT ALL NEEDS TO GET DONE and there is only one person willing to do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fellow women…….before your “partner” walks out the door - and never looks back and does not have to support you OR your kids because YOU can do it ALL, take heed of this book and get him to DO HIS PART……and maybe a little of YOUR part, too. Do not learn this lesson the hard way, like I did. Fortunately, I will never be a superior wife again because I will never make the mistake of being a wife again. i have raised my 3 children - and one Piece of Shit husband - and I do not need any more to raise!
September 22nd, 2009 at 3:39 pm
I am also very happy to find a place to vent other than my therapist who I had to stop seeing because I cant afford the copays. Ever since I stumbled into this book, this website and overall stumbled into this phenomenon, I have been chuckling and seething every day that I have to be superior and my husband gets to float through life and ride my coat tails. He is very fond of lounging, not stressing, not thinking, not doing and of course very fond of enjoying the fruits of my labor. Lets not forget his passionate love affair with his PS3. The PS3 gets waaaay more attention and love than I do.
So here is yet another example of just how lazy and irresponsible my husband is….
Last night I reminded my husband about the ToDo list I wrote up for him over the weekend (because he refuses to create one himself) Apparently he doesnt know how to put pen to paper. It has been a few days and the two things that he did do (spray bug killer around the house and run a virus software on my laptop because he infected it by going to the most idiotic websites like porn and blogs that put up pics of megan fox and such and describe how hot they look). Hubby hasnt magaged to COMPLETE any tasks on the list. He may do one or two, then “forget” all about the list.
Its always the same shit…. I usually ask him nicely to do somethinghe (because he will never take the initiative to do something that needs doing) But of course things NEVER get done right away and ALWAYS require constant reminding. By the time I have to remind him a couple of times (still in a nice way) he startst rolling the eyes and huffing and puffing and somehow Im the nag! Ha! For some reason something that is filthy, broken, over due, etc is not a call to action for him. Dont bother him one bit. By the time I have to remind more than 5-10 times, I cant help but get upset and start raising the tone and the sarcasm. Sometimes that works but mostly it just leads to fighting.
I am responsible for the finances, the household, the children, the dogs, the cars, etc…. all while keeping up with my full time job. Oh and did I mention I work out 3-4 times a week to try to get rid of the 20 lbs of baby weight. Of course he doenst lift a finger to lose weight because he never had to be pregnant and give birth.
Example…. a few weeks ago I gave him a statement for his student loan thats now become past due (he cant be bothered to open up the mai) I asked him to please call them and dont let it go because it will affect his credit. And since our lives and finances are intertwined, ultimately it affects me and our family in some way. Afer a few weeks I reminded again of this very important thing. Last night again. This morning another reminder. Yet I know it will not get done any time soon. This will go on and on indefinitely.
This is just a small task that he cant manage to get done. Yet he can spend about 15 hours per week playing his new Rockstar video.
Cars break down, and I have to jump into action to get them fixed, Suspicious fees appear on mortgage or credit cards statements, and I have to call the banks/creditors to resolve the problems. Children need stimulation, I have to find out about soccer, gymnastics etc and get them signed up. Toilets or dishwashers break down, I have to call/ do the research talk to plummers and warranty companies. Car insurance premiums go up, I have to call to find out why and maybe shop around for quotes. Walls are dirty
Unfortunately, 11 plus years of this has taken its toll in our marriage and I am ready to end it. I just have to muster up the guts to choose to live alone and not settle for living with an adult child who cant/wont pull his own weight. The biggest thing is we have two little girls (ages 3 and 2) that just adore their father. And thats the dilemma.
Thank you all for letting me vent!
September 22nd, 2009 at 7:30 pm
Wow. So much for social satyre.
September 23rd, 2009 at 7:59 am
I read fed up’s comments and need to tell her that there are worse things than divorce…….speaking as one how knows. She has 3 children - 2 little ones and 1 big one. As long as she can get the big one to pay child support, she will not be worse off if she leaves him and reclaims her sanity. Since my “other person” left, I now do it all - but I did it all when he was here - and now at least I am not frustrated by any delusion that another adult is going to pitch in. Like fed up, I can no longer afford my therapist because I have too many bills and responsibiities for my family…..but prayer helps alot and I will never apologize for being a strong and competent person who steps up and takes care of what needs to be taken care of.
September 26th, 2009 at 7:45 pm
I complained about my situation, but it’s actually pretty sweet, and there’s a lot of satisfaction in the struggle for true partnership. The vast majority of women get the shaft. Marriage and family are hard work, but you shouldn’t be doing it alone. Ladies, if you’re in this situation, do whatever it takes to fix it! You deserve the best. If he can’t understand why jerking off with his ps3 is not a good use of his time, he’s hopeless. Look at what you’re capable of. You should be with someone who complements you!
November 10th, 2009 at 10:04 pm
After reading the comments from others I realize the journey I am about to undertake is for the better. Although the exit may be a little more complicated. The other “adult” in this situation has more issues than most, passive aggressive enough to qualify for a personality disorder, mastered intentionally screwing up most projects he got roped into and then angry and pouting when it had to be fixed. Leaving me in the end to sneak around and fix it to avoid additional drama. Some how I am not going to miss the stealth repairs of projects gone awry, .
Lost on how to communicate .. its time for me to go, at least in a way that he will acknowledge. Communication unfortunately is not a skill he’s managed to master, he’s best at stopping it. Any attempts at discussing a problem have always been meet with that never happened or I never said that, ending any chance at resolving any problems. I had never had anyone look me in the face and lie to me like that before. But as the years wore on I found that many of the things he told me we altered from the truth. Some inconsequential, others of significant importance. Not going to miss the dumb founded look on my face when he tells me another whopper, well at least as long as my face doesn’t freeze in that position.
So to cut to the end of the story, I raised two children, worked full time, took care of all the household chores and the majority of household repairs. Basically as most here did what needed to be done. While he worked nights and did little other than go to work.
Fast forward 20 years, all attempts to rectify the situation have meet with failure.I’ve tried it all, nagging, humor, rationalizing with him, pleading for help, in the end I stopped doing it all. Now I live in a house that needs significant repairs and is painfully messy.
So why you ask after all that time do I find it finally time to do something? The children are a thousand miles away and grown, removing any concerns I had about his reaction to my leaving.
Despite heroic efforts some things cannot be saved or should be saved. So for those out there in similar situations, the true question is should the relationship be saved. A decision I regret not having made sooner.
Oddly now that the last child has gone off to school he seems happier, and more interested in what I am doing. As if everything is fine. It could possibly have something to do with all the work and responsibility of raising the children is done.
SO now my to do list involves hanging on to my belief that tomorrow will be better,and not to loose my sense of humor .
March 22nd, 2010 at 8:26 pm
wow……..i found this book today and wow.
June 3rd, 2010 at 9:24 pm
Kharma,
Thank you for telling us your story. I’m interested to see what will happen 15-20 years down the line, when children are no longer in the home, if there will be a mass exodus of superior wives walking out the door. I can just imagine the headlines.