My daughter will be confirmed in the Catholic Church next month. This is a huge milestone in her path to adulthood. It means she is freely choosing to become a full member of the Catholic church. It also means she has to buy a new dress. For some folks, this might not be a big deal. Perhaps the 13 year old girl in your life is perfectly happy to wear whatever delightful frock you choose for her.
And then there is my child. She is a beautiful girl. I know we all think that about our daughters, but mine is certainly very attractive. And her figure is a clothing designers dream. Anything she puts on looks like it was made just for her. The fashion world is her oyster so why does she gravitate towards the Hannah the Hooker line? Yesterday we went to the mall and we walked for two hours! We went into every single store that sold anything remotely dressy. And without fail, every time, she gravitated toward the most inappropriate thing in the store and begged me for it.
She and I did not share a unified ideal of the perfect dress. I pictured something demure and feminine, befitting a bride of Christ. She pictured something racy and glamorous, perfect for an acceptance speech at the MTV video awards. The middle ground between the visions was non existent. At Jessica McClintock, surrounded by lacy, white frocks, she tried on a dazzling, extremely tight, gold sheath, cut to the navel and shirred up the sides. And then wondered why I didn’t think it was right for Confirmation! I have always wanted to be featured in a “People” magazine story, but not as the mother of the girl who wore a racy dress to Confirmation and caused the Bishop to keel over on the altar and die. In my mind, I pictured the scene unfolding: MA’s name is called; she steps forward and announces her saint name (Teresa, the Little Flower who probably never thought of wearing a gold dress); the bishop looks at my daughter; his eyes glaze over; his staff clatters to the ground, followed by his body; and my daughter not only doesn’t receive Confirmation, she is excommunicated from the church and given the name Jezebel and stoned. Needless to say, I stood my ground and nixed the gold dress.
At the next store, it was a strapless, shirred royal blue number cut high up the leg. I had a pounding headache. Even the friend she brought along was rolling her eyes, wondering what MA was thinking. I nixed the blue dress too. This caused her great pain because she had developed a bond with the dress. That is exactly what she told me and every dress thereafter was measured against the blue dress and found lacking. We went to a trendy store aimed at girls her age and found the perfect dress. It was a simple white sundress with tiny pastel flowers on the hem and pink straps. Logan and I both exclaimed in delight, convinced we had found the perfect dress. MA however, did not agree. She dug in her heels and refused to try it on but I finally bribed her into it.
When she came out of the dressing room, she had a pout on her face. She hunched and rounded her shoulders and thrust her stomach out, scowling at us. She looked like an Armenian washerwoman coming off a bad drunk. She refused to acknowledge the perfection of the dress. Instead she moaned “why can’t I have the blue one???????????” Logan and I looked at each other in despair. This was not getting any easier.
We went to Macy’s where MA immediately gravitated toward a display of slinky gowns in jewel tones, perfect attire for an evening at a strip joint. She fingered them longingly, drooling over the rhinestone studded straps. Finally, she found a simple gray dress with actual sleeves and said “I like this one ok.” I whipped out my credit card so fast it sparked. The dress was not perfect. In fact, it was a bit boring. But boring trumps slutty any day!
On our way to the food court, we stopped in one final store. In fact it was White House/Black Market, a very expensive store. Everything in it is either black or white….hence the name!! There was a lovely gay many working and he asked what for what occasion were we shopping. I told him Confirmation and we were looking for something that would not cause the Bishop to swoon. “I have just the thing,” he said and led us to a rack of dresses. The first one he picked up caused MA to swoon.
“How much?” I asked. He showed me the price tag and I swooned. Never in my life have I spent that much money on a garment. Never. And yet, I let her try it on. And of course, it was perfect. Mind you, if you’re a size Zero, everything looks perfect, but that’s not the point.
Reader, I bought that dress. But I did not pay full price. In this economy I was smart enough to look at the kid, not the salesman and say “It depends on how much of a discount he’s going to give me.” The resulting discount was 25%, and while it didn’t completely eliminate the gasp factor, it lowered it enough to make it bearable. Besides, we had been through every single store in the mall and this was the only thing we had both agreed on. Sanity can be purchased for a price. So we have the dress, but we still need a shrug and shoes. I am setting up a PayPal account on this site and we are accepting donations for the Confirmation outfit fund. Please give generously because my insurance severely limits inpatient mental health stays.
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February 13th, 2009 at 10:01 pm
I was confirmed too, and at 13 years old, I don’t recall there being a whole lot of “freely choosing to become a full member of the Catholic church” involved. I do, however, remember clearly choosing to walk away when I was 16.
February 13th, 2009 at 10:17 pm
Good job getting the discount! Best wishes finding those perfect shoes!
February 14th, 2009 at 8:15 am
MA is a gorgeous, sweet girl and worth every penny! As a neighbor privy to the everyday goings on I can truly say if Jennifer would quit losing her laundry and being unreasonable she wouldn’t have any problems with MA. I have always found her to be a very charming young lady.
February 14th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
Congratulations on finding the perfect dress, FINALLY!!! And for getting it at a discount! I’m glad you, MA, AND the Bishop are all safe and happy!!! Lucky you can FIND a Bishop. I’ve been trying to track down a priest for 6 days, and can’t find ONE who will help me. The one in Hamilton is out of the office for 2 weeks, they referred me to the one in the next town north, 35 min. away. I left 3 messages for him, but he never called me back. So I called St. Francis Xavier in Missoula (1 hour away) they have multiple priests on staff, so I figured one of them could help, NO…they were ALL off. So I called another parish I had not heard of…their priest was out of the office too. NO ONE will help me. I called back and left 2 more messages at the parish in Hamilton, but no one has called back. I doubt they check messages over the weekend. I’m very discouraged. I thought part of the advantage of being Catholic was that you should be able to find a priest when you need one. Good thing it wasn’t last rites I needed. If you need a pair of white shoes for confirmation, I could send you mine….MA would be HORRIFIED, but I do still have them, and they’ve only been worn a couple times since my confirmation!!! (We’ll not put the year as it makes me feel old…let’s just say, the Cosby show was really popular at the time.)
February 14th, 2009 at 6:01 pm
Go go perfect dress! I love the Black/White store. They make their stuff very well, and that dress will last you quite some time.
And yes, the massive amounts of slutty clothing stores that cater to tweens and teens is.. ugh. Makes me gag a bit in my own mouth when I see 10 year olds wearing mini skirts. And singing “I KISSED A GIRL.. AND I LIKED IT” At the top of their lungs. Ewwwwwww
February 14th, 2009 at 9:33 pm
ahh…the dress shopping excursion. we recently did it too for Cassie’s graduation dress. I thought it was going to be very painful, but it was actually pain free. thankfully my daughter is very modest, completely unlike me at her age!!! we found a dress, shoes, and bra for under $75, all on sale, and all very beautiful…and we were done in one hour!!!
I do wish we did confirmation at 13 here, now they have to wait until they are 15 and go through 2 years of classes!! Like that is ever going to happen. I was confirmed at 13, I wish it was still like that here.
February 15th, 2009 at 1:15 am
Oh my, what an ordeal. I’m not catholic so don’t know anything about this, but it sounds like a big deal and a big step in her life. Glad she found something she liked.
February 15th, 2009 at 2:01 am
How many days of substitute teaching did it take you to pay for the dress? I’m sure it was well worth it!
February 15th, 2009 at 7:33 am
I see horror in your future. Just wait until prom.
February 15th, 2009 at 8:35 am
When’s Anna’s first communion? The week after Anastasia? Right? Ours is the 26th of April. Better be on your calendar. No more wrong weekends!
February 15th, 2009 at 11:23 am
if he hadn’t of chosen it, somehow I suspect she would have scoffed at it. There is something about 13 that makes a mother grow old.
February 15th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
Haaaaaaaaaaa! You are Mom of the Year for going dress shopping in preparation for her Confirmation! I remember that my Mom almost offed herself when she took me shopping for my Confirmation dress. I also remember being completely put out when I realized no one would see my damn dress because we all had these white gowns to wear over our clothes. I could have gone in my bra and panties.
February 15th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
If I had realized (when I was a teenager) that it was society and what I had seen on TV that were influencing my fashion choices, and if I had known that the dresses/outfits I was most attracted to were meant to be worn to events and places that I was never even in my adult life going to go, my parents might still have their natural hair color.
It’s frustrating to live in an age where celebs are constantly shoved at us in photos from events that require dressing up to a degree higher than anything a kid will ever go to. Kids go to church, school and school-sanctioned functions, but somehow grow up believing these are A-list ceremonies, meanwhile stores contribute to the problem. In your case, thank GOD for gay men who work in stores and know what mothers are going through!
February 15th, 2009 at 6:01 pm
Just had to tell you, my 9-yr-old got one of those Homies valentines, LOL. It was pretty tame, though.
February 16th, 2009 at 7:02 pm
I wore a Laura Ashley. It was a dark red velvet–very nice very expensive and I loved it . Wore it once. And you don’t have to be Catholic to be confirmed in your church. I believe many credal faiths practice this ritual–I was raised Lutheran
February 22nd, 2009 at 4:05 pm
hye so how it goin yahoo is a great website!!!! TTyL………..oh yeah LOL
November 16th, 2009 at 7:01 pm
You’ll never go wrong in white. I’m sure you’ll look vibrant in white-colored clothes. Make sure to get big, big discounts.
December 4th, 2009 at 11:28 am
my daughter is 16 and was just confirmed last may.we are catholic and our parish requires the white floor length dresses and veils for the girls.i found a poofy junior brides dress in her size that she wore.our parish considers the first communion dress and confirmation dress as extenions of the baptism dresses the girls wore for their baptisms when they were babies.for both first communion and confirmation the girls wear a white under shirt,cloth diaper,plastic pants and white tights under their dresses to symbolize their purity of their baptisms.i made my daughters diaper from infant diapers sewn together and her plastic pants were adult size.she wore regular white tights over them and a teen size white tee shirt.she looked gorgeous in her outfit!
December 8th, 2009 at 12:57 am
my name is chrissy and i was confirmed last april.i am catholic and had to wear an outfit similiar to donnas daughter.our dresses were ankle length and we had to wear the lace cuff socks.we had to wear bridal veils with our dresses.we did have to wear the white under shirt and just plastic pants over our white underwear.our parish gives the girls the plastic pants and we are all required to wear them under our dresses.the plastic pants are white and infant style and in teen and adult sizes.
December 28th, 2009 at 10:32 pm
I see that the spammer who is always posting about girls having to wear plastic pants under their Catholic confirmation dresses has learned to spell “parish”.
January 10th, 2010 at 8:04 pm
Best article i will come back again.
March 24th, 2010 at 2:49 pm
“There was a lovely gay many working there…”
I assume you meant “lovely gay man.”
“An Armenian washerwoman coming off a bad drunk…”
I also assume that you didn’t mean to be so… Ah, what’s the word? Stereotypical? No… Rude. Let’s settle with rude.
Also, I highly doubt that a thirteen year old girl would like a dress that has “pastel flowers” on it. She was probably trying to break away from the little-girl like dresses that she’s been wearing all her life.
March 24th, 2010 at 2:58 pm
I do LOVE a good stereotype!!! My apologies to any Armenian Washerwomen I may have offended….
March 24th, 2010 at 2:59 pm
Not apologizing to the gay men because they usually have a well developed sense of humor….
April 16th, 2010 at 7:04 pm
Now this is funny. As a Catholic, I must say that I am very glad my parish does not practice the “plastic pants” ritual. Also luckily, I am the mother of a son, so never have to experience the dress shopping. I am sure I will regret that much later, when my son is moving away from me with his wife…
Anyway, this was hilarious. Good luck with MA!
May 7th, 2010 at 1:21 pm
Ha ha you sound like my mom. Im 14 and am getting confirmed next month. I had to spend three hours with my mom and dad searching every store for a dress. We still haven’t found one that I and my obsessive dad like. I think I’ll try that white house black market, well if my parents can stand the prices.
May 7th, 2010 at 2:11 pm
Zoe, good luck on your Confirmation!!!
May 7th, 2010 at 10:26 pm
I have never ever heard of this “plastic pants” wearing in all of my 56 years as a Catholic. Diapers? come on people, find something better to do with your time.
on a lighter note,
congratulations on all receiving the Holy Sacrament of Confirmation.
God bless you
February 20th, 2011 at 1:22 pm
Help! I need more details about that dress you found–I’m in the same boat with an April 8th confirmation!