Nov 10
And Suddenly the Perils of Raising a 13 Year Old Girl Take an Ominous Turn
Posted by Jennifer at 11:12 am in Uncategorized

I was cleaning MA’s bedroom today because she has a friend coming over tonight. Not cleaning so much as I was changing sheets and vacuuming. The room itself is actually somewhat startlingly clean considering who lives in it. I did suggest to the other mom she pack her daughter’s biohazard suit just in case.


I was changing the sheets when I made my discovery. I was tucking in the sheet and a cardboard envelope poked out from beneath the mattress. I was puzzled but truly, nothing in that bedroom startles me. I could find a turkey leg under her mattress and I wouldn’t be shocked. Curious, I opened it to see what was inside and I was immediately consumed with rage.


One of Napoleon’s creepy little friends has been sending her love letters. I have told this friend on several occasions, without mincing words, that she is too young for him. And honestly, he’s not a bad kid, but she could do better!!! The ick factor here is high!! He called just two weeks ago and wanted her to go to Homecoming with him. I told him to call back in two years. And then I find LOVE LETTERS???!!!!


I put them down for a few minutes to stew and to think through the implications. As I vacuumed, I ran through various scenarios that included: manacling her to a pole in the basement until she is 21; ripping the boy’s heart out and eating it while it is still warm and beating; contacting the Latin Mafia to see if I can get a contract on him; sending her to a cloistered convent to live with nuns; and other ideas too gruesome to share here.


I am pretty sure she doesn’t really like this boy that much. I think she’s flattered by the attention from a 10th grader. But when I picked the letters up again and read them thoroughly, I saw RED, as in the red of his blood pooling around my feet after I’ve ripped his tiny little gonads from his body. Because he said (direct quote) “I can’t wait to see you, you have such a sexy little body and I love your shortness…” May I take a moment here to veer into profanity and say if that little fucker ever uses the word sexy regarding my daughter I will personally rip him into shreds and feed the remains to Rocky the Bearded Dragon? Cause I will do it!!


I am trying to calm down and to quell my mutilation fantasies. My husband was actually calmer than me. He wants to establish a timeline for the letters to see how long it’s been since the creepy little bastard contacted her. What makes this whole thing even worse is NAPOLEON is the one passing the letters!! Even though we have told him that his friend is too old for MA and that we do not approve, has passed her these filthy notes right under our noses!!! Going to rip him to shreds too!!! Dumb shit.


I am open to suggestions here!! I would love some guidance from anyone who has older children or from anyone with legal expertise in the matters of homicide. It amazes me how enraged I am. But my daughter is truly beautiful. I can say that because she doesn’t look a bit like me and because enough people have told me how beautiful she is. She makes straight A’s and is in the honor society. She is a stellar athlete and a good person. She drives me nutty, but she is an amazing young woman and I am always proud of her. This kid is nice enough, but she can do better and she deserves better than some smarmy, pimply faced nut job who writes her icky love letters. Damn, I am PISSED OFF!!!


Ok, I am feeling a little bit better now. Truly, she hasn’t done anything wrong, except receive the letters. I plan on interrogating her this afternoon to make SURE she hasn’t done anything wrong. I am going to google “water board” to see if I can get a good deal on some used ones from Guantanamo. I am welcoming any and all input into this situation, especially input on how to destroy evidence and hide dead bodies!!

And Suddenly the Perils of Raising a 13 Year Old Girl Take an Ominous Turn has 9 Comments

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  1. Nancy M wrote:
    November 10th, 2008 at 12:12 pm

    Jennifer, I understand your rage but please do not commit a homocide as I don’t want to have lunch with you at the Tutwiler Prison for Women. I agree with you I never want to hear Abby and sexy in the same sentence ever.

  2. Equoni wrote:
    November 10th, 2008 at 2:35 pm

    I would not underestimate how seriously she has taken these letters. She saved them, and a 13 year old can really get swept off her feet by any older guy telling her things like that. I would be very worried. I would have a SERIOUS discussion with her. And I would DEFINITELY talk to the boy IN FRONT OF HIS PARENTS (or better yet, talk to the parents separately FIRST,
    THEN talk to him DIRECTLY with his parents present.) And be prepared that her reaction is probably going to be “pissed that you invaded her privacy”…and denial. I have a feeling that if Napolean finds out about the “sexy” part of the letters he is going to be pretty thouroughly upset and will “get” that he should not have been the courier. Good Luck. Do whatever you have to do to protect your daughter. I don’t envy you in this situation at all.

  3. Nancy S. wrote:
    November 10th, 2008 at 3:41 pm

    Since my daughter has never even had a boy look her way, I can’t speak from personal experience, but my first thought was to call the boy’s parents IMMEDIATELY. Then have a talk with your son, the one who almost passed out at the thought that his sister needed feminine products, and let him see the letters. I doubt he has any idea what’s in them. That might take care of the problem right there. Then have a serious talk with your daughter about how she may think it’s funny and flattering, IT IS NOT.

    BTW, there is no such thing as privacy when you are trying to protect your kids.

  4. Kiki wrote:
    November 10th, 2008 at 4:06 pm

    Do something now! and remember, thirteen year olds are also absolutely crazy (even the sweetest, best kids in the world)–it is a proven fact, and you have to deal with that too–take it from one who knows. If it makes you feel better, I once heard our oldest say “I love you” on the phone to some boy in her class at school at about this age, and I nipped that in the bud right away–”going out”? No.Sorry, you are only 13, and I don’t give shit about Romeo and Juliet!

    Plus, if it makes you feel better, my 13 year old had a busy weekend as well–one boy asked her “out” (whatever that means) that lasted all of four minutes, and another boy called her–he is obviously completely smitten with her! AAAhhhhhh!!!

    “Sexy” yes she is a beautiful child, but that is not what she needs to hear!

    Needless to say, I would just go ahead and beat Napoleon! Where is his protective brotherly instinct???? We all know how (most) boys that age think!

  5. Equoni wrote:
    November 10th, 2008 at 5:03 pm

    P.S. I did NOT mean that you HAD invaded her privacy…you did ABSOLUTELY the right thing!!! I was just trying to warn you how a 13 year old might react and think. I’m very sorry if that read wrong. You have my FULLEST support!!!

  6. Nancy S. wrote:
    November 10th, 2008 at 5:35 pm

    Equoni, so glad to hear that someone else agrees with me about the privacy issue. Too many parents regret that they treated their teenage kids like they were adults, and can’t figure out why now they are grandparents, or parents of a drug addict, etc., etc. Anything under my roof is fair game for “snooping”, although my teenagers would not agree with me.

  7. Kiki wrote:
    November 10th, 2008 at 5:41 pm

    I think we all concur–better to be “parent” than “friend”–they;ll appreciate it more later, when it matters–like when they’re 30 or so!

    They need to be protected–from others and themselves!

    Kisses to all.

  8. Bill wrote:
    November 10th, 2008 at 5:46 pm

    You know, I normally take these things with a grain of salt. But references to sexy are not okay. Mutilation is definitely an option.

  9. Kiki wrote:
    November 10th, 2008 at 7:32 pm

    BTW–I meant, yes, she is beautiful, I didn’t mean I thought she was sexy! If anything, girls this age are pretty much silly, and not sexy at all, unless grown ups make them that way!

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